I almost decided to skip this update, but I know there are a lot of people keeping up with me so I thought I’d go ahead and do it! This past Friday I finished round 5 of my chemo- ROUND 5!! It’s so crazy that I only have one more round and then I’ll be done. I don’t think this journey will ever really be done though. Having cancer just changes you in a way I can’t really explain. But I know that I’ll never be the same because of it.
When I got the call and found out I had cancer, it didn’t feel real… It’s been 112 days and I still don’t know if all of this will ever really feel “real”. I kept waiting for some huge cloud of sadness and distress to overtake me but it never happened..Maybe after the first few tests and scans? Maybe after my hair started falling out?..nope..It never happened and I never felt like what I thought I would feel..how people expect you to feel. Of course there were days when I was sad and when I was in pain, but this cancer never took over my life. It hasn’t destroyed my spirit, but rather it’s made me feel alive in a way I’ve never felt. It’s given me courage, hope, love, patience. It’s taught me to have faith and trust more than ever. Faith in God to heal me, trust in my doctors to choose the right treatment, trust in my friends to love me when I’m bald and trust that those closest to me would stand by me every second and be there when I needed them. It’s made me depend on others when I prefer to be independent. Depend on my mom to do little things for me when I just don’t have the energy to get up. Depend on my boyfriend to take care of me and stay with me through all of this. Depend on my parents to take care of me at home like a little kid again. It’s been hard being someone who hates asking for help, having to ask for help so much through this journey. However, I’ve learned to drop my pride and allow myself to be vulnerable in front of the people who love me. This journey has definitely shown me the real meaning of love ❤️
This cancer has given me so much more as a person than I can explain. I don’t think anyone can truly understand the feeling unless you’ve been through it. I feel strong and empowered. I feel as though I have more passion to live and love fully and overcome any obstacle in my life. I’ve gotten to share my story with so many people and receive messages from people I haven’t talked to in years saying that my faith is bringing them closer to God! It’s amazing how something that’s supposed to be so negative can have such a positive impact on others if you choose to let it. I’ve recently gotten in touch with a couple other young women who have my same cancer and are going through my same chemo. I’ve gotten to give them advice and explain what will happen since they are just in the beginning of their journeys. I love knowing I can help them through this since I have already done it and know how scary it was to not know what to expect! So many life lessons I have learned the past few months will stick with me forever and I hope I can continue to connect and inspire others! 💙
In just a little over 2 weeks, my last day of chemo will come and go. We will celebrate my body being cancer free and praise God for healing me! I know that for a while it will always be in the back of my mind..the little fear of it coming back. But living in fear is not the kind of life I want to live. I do believe deep down that this will be the very end of my cancer journey and I pray that I will live a long, healthy life without another cancer cell ever entering my body. ❤️
Here are some pics from round 5 and these past few days home!
Round 6: September 12-16 🎉🎈🌈