Where is God during Cancer?

When you’re 24, healthy, beginning your future and suddenly diagnosed with an aggressive cancer the first thing people say is “Why would God let this happen to you?” Or “I’m so angry at God for you.” The truth is these thoughts never came from me. Friends and family, yes. And understandably so. But from me, no. 

Does having cancer suck? Yes. But I’ve never been angry at God for allowing me to battle cancer. From the moment I found out, I just had this supernatural peace and strength that I’ve never had before. I’ve never been scared of dying. Needles, yes. But dying no. When I found out I had cancer the first thing I said is, “Well this is inconvenient.” I never threw myself a pity party and thought about giving up or that this cancer could kill me. That’s just not an option. When I found out that my cancer was more aggressive and had rare genes that make it harder to treat, meaning instead of 3, 6 hour chemo infusions, it would be 6 inpatient weeks in the hospital with 24 hour nonstop infusions, of course I was disappointed. But never angry at God. 

I think a lot of people question where is God when you have cancer? Why would He let this happen to me if He loves me? If God exists then why is this bad thing happening to you? And truthfully I don’t know why He chose me. But I do know that He’s real and He’s with me. That’s why I’ve never been angry with Him. Because I can literally feel Him with me stronger than ever before. He has given me this incredible strength to endure all of these procedures. I can feel Him with me every time I’m scared of another needle going into my body. He makes me braver than I ever knew I was. I can feel Him comfort me when I lay on the floor and cry because I just want to be up and about but I have no energy. I feel Him in the late, sleepless hours of the night in the hospital when I feel alone. God has never left me. Yes He is allowing me to suffer, but He is drawing me closer to Him and is suffering with me. How can I be angry at my God who is giving me the opportunity to show others how strong I am? The chance to inspire others and the chance to fight my battle publicly in hopes to bring someone else strength. 

 
One of my friends at the beginning of my cancer journey sent me the quote, “God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers.” At the time, I didn’t realize the strength that I would continue to be able to have throughout this. And I can only credit my strength to God. I’ve never considered myself a tough person. I’ve always been a cry baby, I hated finger pricks and would absolutely never let doctors draw blood. But somehow I’ve gotten through unimaginable amounts of pokes and needles and procedures that I never fathomed I would be able to get through. So has God given me one of the toughest battles ever? Yes. For sure. But I’m trying my best to be one of His strongest soldiers. There are a lot of things that I could choose to be angry about. But anger doesn’t make cancer disappear. And it won’t make me feel better. Instead I’ve chosen to fight my battle with as much strength and grace as possible. If I can touch or inspire just one person with my story, that’s enough for me. 

So..where is God during cancer? He’s still here. In me and around me. Changing me from the inside out and experiencing every day of this battle with me. I can feel Him and I can hear His voice telling me that it will be okay.  No anger or fear can ever be louder than that. ❤️

 
  

26 thoughts on “Where is God during Cancer?

  1. Megan, Thank you for sharing your story. You have really inspired me! You are a brave woman and the Lord is using you to bless me, and I’m sure others, during this time. Like you, I used to be so afraid of needles and I certainly understand that phobia! It’s interesting how God uses things to help us get over our fears! Always look for the silver lining! I can tell you are by your blogs.

    I pray for you often! I don’t understand how or why God allows and does things sometimes, but I do know that He is real and purposeful. I am praying for you to know that he is a shield about you, to know His glory, and that know that He is the lifter of your head (Psalm 3:3).

    When I saw the picture you posted with the footprints, I was reminded of a version of this that I saw a long time ago. There were two footprints, where God and I walked together through life, then the one set where God was carrying me during difficult times. But after those difficult times, there were also footprints that were scattered about, with no sense of order at all. Some were light footprints and some were footprints that dug deep into the sand. Imagine seeing those after the times where God carried me! When I asked God what that was, and why the chaos happened after the difficult times when He carried me, He replied “My Child, those were the times we danced!”

    You see, I have found that after difficult times, it is usually the time of true joy and true worship with the Lord. It is the time when I can forsake all and DANCE with God! I am praying that not only will you know that God carries you through the difficult times, but that you will also learn to DANCE through some of it! Only those that have walked and let Him carry us through the hard times will experience this kind of dance!

    You are loved by so many! And I consider it an honor and privilege to know you and pray for you!
    Marie
    (friend of your Aunt Susan).

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  2. Megan – I am SO proud to be your dad. Thanks for knowing when to lean on us – those who love you – as you’re too weak to stand on your own two feet. I agree that cancer sucks and that I would never wish this on even an enemy, but if you have to travel the path I’d travel it in the manner you’re doing it.

    You’re in good hands (Gods), and He’s got some good helpers to remind you He’s here with you and for you!

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    1. Hi Megan, it’s Tia Becky , I’m at work sitting here crying and praying that the chemotherapy will do its job and the time will go by quick. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. You are in my prayers and praying for your mom, dad and the rest of the family. With much love.

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  3. Beautiful and inspiring. Just courage and strength from a young woman. Keep the faith! Soldier, keep moving! ( Toby Mac!)

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  4. Megan,

    Thanks for sharing your story! God chose an angel to go through this journey as he He carries you. You are doing His work by hewling all of us to have better priorities, faith and trust in God. You have a village of praying warriors all around you. We are praying for total healing and strength to get through this process. May God bless you and keep the positive attitude, as love is all around you.

    Vicki Hamilton (friend of your dad)

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  5. Hi Megan,

    You don’t know me but I feel like I know you! I’m a coach of Ashley’s and like so many of her coaches, I have been praying for you hard as I follow your battle with cancer through your blog posts.

    Thank you for sharing a part of your story with the world! That’s exactly what it is – a small part in your big life and I have every faith and belief that YOU will soldier through this time and go on to change the world in your own, unique way.

    Sending you vibes of positivity, strength and peace all the way from New York!

    ❤ Ali

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  6. Megan,
    What you are dealing with now is what I would call “hell on earth”. But because you have discovered how strong God’s love is for you, He will keep you close and will be with you each and every day and that part is “heaven on earth”. You are an amazing woman and an inspiration to me! – Jean

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  7. You have amazingly captured exactly what it means to know and feel the closeness and spirit of God in strengthening and bringing peace that only He can in our most difficult times. I am praying for you daily and am so thankful that you know that he is with you. You are such an inspiration. I went through the darkest valley last year with my mom’s health and can exactly relate to what you mean. He showed up every single day and when we were at the absolute bottom and just prayed and asked for help, a miracle would happen through people and circumstances around us time and time again. Seeing in the spirit is such a gift and it is such a comfort to know that you have it. I pray for your complete restoration and healing and for a long life serving and enjoying your beautiful family.

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  8. Your faith and beauty shine loudly. You are a lovely, compassionate woman. I hope your story gets shared with the world at large because you are a true inspiration. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your innermost feelings.

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  9. Megan, you are so precious and your faith is shining through so brilliantly. Your strength does come from your Lord and He is using you as you continue to trust Him and glorify Him. God does work all things to the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom 8 :28) and His purpose to make us more like Jesus. You are trusting Him and He is growing you beyond your years in your faith. If Jesus followers did not experience trials then the world could not witness the faith that is real, as found in you, Megan. I am so sorry you have this battle, I am so saddened by it, but I am so thankful you feel the Lord so near to you and giving you strength. We have a daughter of our own and get a little feel as parents. May the Lord continue to bless you and keep you. You are a delight to Him and all of us, sweet girl.

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  10. Such a privilege to pray for you and so comforting to know that you are sold out to the God who loves you more than any of us! So thankful for the strength He has given you and that you are depending on Him ( and all the soldiers He has placed in your life)! Love and prayers!!!

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  11. I meant to send you this verse last night.
    A close friend of my mom’s sent this to us as it was the verse that she leaned on through her battle with Cancer. We leaned on this as well – every day and I hope it helps you too –
    It is Isaiah 41:10.
    ‘Fear not, for I am with you;
    Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
    I will strengthen you,
    Yes, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
    Also, I read this one every morning and it helped to renew strength for the day
    Isaiah 40:31
    ‘but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
    They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.’

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    1. Hi Megan. I’m a friend of your dad’s and it’s been a very long time since I’ve seen you. Your dad took me to Promise Keepers in 1993 with a large bunch of guys from your church and showed me how and why a relationship with Christ is so important. He has obviously gotten that message across to you as well. You eloquently laid out in your post what a lot of people never get. Sometimes He presents us with situations that we don’t understand, don’t like, didn’t choose, etc. and I’ve taught my son that life is 10% what happens and 90% how you deal with it. What you are sharing is a living testament of how well your mom and dad have done with you in that regard and has the potential to inspire others for countless years to come. I am praying daily for you, your Care Team, and your family. I’ll close with a quote from a high school friend of mine, Susan Taylor, who is a recent breast cancer survivor: “Take that you stupid cancer!!!!”.

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  12. Hi Megan! I’m also a friend of your mom and dad! 🙂 Sending lots of loving hugs and prayers your way! Thanks for sharing so bravely and intimately your journey from college graduation to fighting cancer – it’s beautifully done and God’s grace is very evident in your words. Your blog will continue to be an inspiration!

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  13. Megan, I am praying for you and your parents! I am quite impressed by your blog and your faith. Blessings, Liliana Major

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  14. Thank you for sharing your journey. I appreciate your transparency, courage and faith. God is with you. I will pray for you. From a sister in Christ who traveled with a loved one who traveled this road. Isaiah 41:10

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  15. Hi, I have been following you on Instagram. I must say you are a blessing. I also have had people ask me those same similar questions, as I just beat stage 3 Hodgekins Lymphoma. Your words are so very true and a true statement of Faith. Every day was a battle and a choice for our attitudes. I also believe people are watching our lives to see just how we are going to react. My scripture that I held onto was HOPE is the anchor for our soul. Also Trust in the Lord with all your heart lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path. I also never took mine as a pitty party or never did I ask why me? I new, he wanted my full attention!! I can honestly say He was with me through the ENTIRE battle. I found out May 245th I was cancer free, after 12 found of chemo, and lots of other stuff in between. So I pray you will have a clear scan on Nov 1st… Thank you again for sharing your story 💜

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