It’s been 3 months since I returned from Thailand and came back to the reality that my life is completely up in the air. There’s so much pressure from the world to follow this step by step guide to life that when you aren’t on that path, it seems like something is wrong with you. I’m almost 24 years old. I have a college degree but I’m not currently using it..I’m not married and I’m living with my parents. Not exactly the perfect plan I had in mind when I graduated. I had it all planned out: I would graduate, get engaged and married, get a job, travel every summer, eventually have a baby..and life would be all good and happy. When my life didn’t end up following that order, I felt like a disappointment..to myself..my parents..God.
Even when people say oh don’t worry about it, you’ll meet the right person eventually..when every other day you see 10 people on your Facebook get engaged, it tends to crush your spirit just a little. Satan tries to get in my head and tell me that I’m not worth it. I’m not good enough for the guys I meet. It’s my fault that I’m not the “chosen one” by them. It’s my fault I don’t have a teaching job and I’m not on my own. Sometimes it’s extremely overwhelming.
BUT, I continue to push those lies out of my head. Because I am worth it. Why? Because God says so. He already calls me his beloved. I don’t need a man to validate my worth. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks or says about me and my life. Does it feel good to make your friends and family proud? Of course it does. But all that matters is that I’m following God, I’m loving others, I’m making myself happy. I have no shame for who I am and how my life is falling into place.
As humans we always tend to feel better when we can put the blame on someone else. I tend to blame God for not giving me what I want in my life. I blame other people for me not having the teaching job I want and not being able to move out..I blame the guys I meet for not being the one to marry. But I’m beginning to learn that putting my hopes in someone else is going to lead to constant disappointment. Even sometimes expecting things from God will lead to disappointment. We think that if God loves us then why is He not giving us what we want? But God never promised to give us what we want. Our plans and God’s plans are not always the same..
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand” Proverbs 19:21
God’s timing might not always be what I had in mind..but in the end I know He has my life in His hands and with that I can relax and just live. Everything will happen in God’s timing. I will meet the man who loves me, I will find the perfect job. And I will just figure life out as it comes. Life is just plain hard. The more I look at myself the more I realize that I am loved, I am worthy and that I will always need God more than man. And most of all, that I should be proud of myself and the life I’m living! 🙂 There is nothing wrong with being on a different path than those around you. ❤️ I have no doubt that this year will be both the most challenging and the most rewarding year of my life as I make my transition into the “real world”..into the unknown.